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A lot of my friends does not really understand how my mind really works. It gets beyond complication sometimes. But Epy, my pet sister knows me well. Our principles of how the mechanism of mind works are very much the same.
She's very intelligent, independent and daring. She would get what she wants, by hook or by crook. So no messing with her. She takes care of me even though im a boy and supposedly boys should take care of themselves. That's something, right? Very special and blessed.
So everytime i face problems, i know i could rely on her. I would sit close to her, or sometimes when i want to hide my ugly face i often make during this sort of period, i would lay my head on her laps. She would listen to what i have to say very carefully and say what i need to hear. The thing about what she says is that, all of them is true, agreeable and experienced - based. What i thought would happen if i do this and that, would come out from her mouth, exactly like my thoughts, in the form of words and sounds.
She has helped me a lot. And it has been a year since i first knew her. Im feeling so grateful and lucky to have her as my petsister, the only petsister who is willing to stay till today.
I woke up quite early in the morning that day. I heard people talking outside my room (actually it's a guest room) and to be honest, it was annoying. One of the voices, was a voice of a guy. Besides noticing the fact that it was tone-exaggerated, it was also familiar to my ears. Chesses. So i opened the door slowly, tip toed to the stairs and took a peep at the hall. HOLY SHIT. I knew it..
I went back to my room (not really my room) and took my bath. Riana was already on her car when i walked down the stairs. Holy. Shit. Again. So it was just me, Aliff and Luna. Luna greeted me, "MORNING", but Aliff ignored me like TOTALLY. He was looking into Luna's eyes, as if she was talking to him even though its crystal clear she was talking to me. I was invited to have breakfast with them but before i ate i said "WOW VERY LOUD FOOD. DIN' KNOW FOOD COULD TALK!" And Luna laughed her ass off while Aliff rolled his eyes away from me and sighed.
Luna told me to light a cig for her, and then she went outside near the pool, out of my sight. Then Aliff followed her. I was holding Luna's cig, and i thought this might be one of her ways of telling me i could smoke her cig in her house, but then i had a second thought. Maybe she had something in her mind - so she forgot her cig she told me to light OR, perhaps, she intended to make me stay just where i was sitting. I looked at the pies on the plate while i was thinking. I didn't know in what kind of possibility those pies could give me a hint of future disaster.
I closed my eyes, trying to collect any sound i could hear from outside, but in vain. I started to suspect something, bad. So again, really slowly, i drew myself close to the window where the pool could get into sight. With caution, i pulled the curtains away from each other, allowing the outside morning light to get in - and there i stood, watching Luna and Aliff kissed before my eyes. I just hoped it would stop, but it lasted about couple of minutes after. My heart broke really hard, i could almost feel a person stab a knife into it, and clear salty water droplets had formed in my eyes. I closed the curtain back, took a deep breath, walked to the door without sounds, put on my shoes, and walked home.. And cried.
Sebagai kekasih, yg tak dianggap aku hanya bisa,
Mencoba mengalah.. Menahan setiap amarah..
Sebagai kekasih, yg tak dianggap aku hanya bisa,
Mencoba bersabar, ku yakin kau kan berubah..
There was a time when we were hangin' out, Luna was so excited, she held my hand so tight, and she didn't want to let go..
Out of her many friends though, there was a person, her best friend i guess, who wasn't around at that time. She asked me whether i want to meet her - and i answered NO because i knew who she is already. But she insisted, hence she asked me to sleep over at her house and i agreed. I know people, the idea of staying at a girl's house is ridiculous, but all i wanted is Luna.. :(
At her house, i met Riana, the friend. I think MY friends might had noticed that i often went out of my hostel. This is one of the activities. Hmph. Going out and have fun.
Have fun..
I missed Tommy, my current boyfie.
You know, readers, he wanted me to change for him. We talked about this shit over and over again. So, i changed, okay? But then, he treated me like garbage. When i asked him, "what do you really want? I thought u want me to change?!" And he would reply will full of ignorance, with twisted words and shits - with a message of "its too late". When i changed myself back to normal (or in other words, an ignorant, manipulative and shitty person), he would talk about the issue AGAIN. It was helllllll boring. But i missed him, and i cared about him. I told most of my friends "hey you guys, i have a boyfriend and he's perfect" and stories about how wonderful and cute he could be. He, in return, broke my heart by having sex with one of my contacts. :)
So i turned myself to Luna. She healed the bruises Tommy had done. Even though she didn't really know about Tommy or all that behind scene thingies (OMG IM USING HYPOCORISM!), without judgment of any kind, she treated me nicely, and it made me feel very content - just like those people who know how to treat me when i am down. Im not praising her too much do i?
I started to make friends with Luna's friends. I always believe that to secure the bond between a male and a female, the male has to tackle the friends of the female. LOL! And from my own lame observation, i think they like me. We could all make joke about shits and stuff. So yeah.
There was a time when we were hangin' out, Luna was so excited, she held my hand so tight, and she didn't want to let go. Well, that might be a sign of..
Dusk.
My ex kept calling me and i was afraid to pick up. Luna looked at me uneasy, then, knowing she had no right to say anything, she drew her sight somewhere across the lake, and whistled.
Thinking i would only ruin this one hanging relationship with Luna - somehow, by leaving my phone ringing and unanswered - i decided to pick up the phone eventually, and deal with anything that might come up.
The whole incident had turned her into someone quite different. She reacted as if she really care about me, and the whole phoning thingy upset her. She ate a plate of spaghetti with a long face and as expected she didn't look at me. However, she invited me to eat with her.
Back at her home her BESTFRIEND waited in front of her house. This time, instead of just a normal, usual greet, Aliff had gone a bit beyond the line. It was as if Alif was trying to show me that he likes Luna - or maybe, just maybe, its the other way round. Either way, i think this is getting more complicated.
It was around 7 am - the typical beautiful morning. The chill of the air, the dews on the leaves, the yellowish blue sky, the chirping birds and the absence of people. It was just me and Luna.
We sat on swings. Silence.
Sometimes i wonder what was i doing.
Do i really want this?
I mean, to establish a relationship..
And i bet you know what i mean.
Ive been hurt before, and i could barely trust girls (and boys?).
While i was thinking, she finally uttered a word.
Luna : Boi.
Boi : Luna.
Luna : Do you wana see something beautiful?
Boi : Nakk. (i wantt)
Luna : Wait till the sun rises.
Boi : Okay. I know how beautiful sunrise could be.
Luna : Bukan. You ade cigs? (no, do u have cigs?)
Boi : Yup. Nah. (here.)
When the time came, she lighted up a cig,
and then, held it on her hand very carefully,
with her smooth and delicate hand.
She asked me to watch the smoke as it swirled in the air.
Boi : Cantiknye.. (how wonderful.)
Yuna : I know! :p Tgk bile smoke ni kene sunlight. (Look how it blends with sunlight)
Boi : White smokinnnnn.
Yuna : What color is the smoke again?
Boi : Putih kan. Its white.
Yuna : No, its blue..
Boi : wow..
It really was blue.
That day, i learn how to think beautifully.
Sometimes life could be so frigging hectic.
But if we practice positive thinking, for example,
we would find, that life, is hectic, just because its simply what life is.
And the same applicable to all situations.
Thanks Luna, for teaching me something so small,
but meant so big.
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